क्या पाया क्या खोया मैंने

क्या पाया क्या खोया मैंने ,कितना अश्क बहाया मैंने,
कभी यूँ लगता है सब मेरे अपने ही हैं।
कभी ये लगता है जैसे सबको ही ठुकराया मैंने,
दिया जो तुमने मुझको कम तो नहीं है,
फिर भी क्यों खुद को यूँ ही भटकाया मैंने,
सफ़र ये मेरा कट ही जायेगा इक दिन,
तन्हा-तन्हा क्यूँ खुद को उलझाया मैंने
मेरे गम की बात को अब तो रहने ही दो
किस्मत में जितना था उतना पाया मैंने.

ये रात

हर रात की एक अपनी कहानी होती है,
दिन भर मिले एहसासों की दिल पे निशानी होती है,
जो मिली हंसी तो हंस लिए हम भी,
जो दर्द पाए तो छुपा के रख लिया उसको,
किसी से बाँटना नहीं मुझे दिल की बातें,
अब हर एक बात मैं दिल में ही रख लेती हूँ,
जो कहना हो कुछ तो खुद से ही कह लेती हीं
इस बहाने से निकल जाता है दिल का गुबार;
मिल ही जाता है मेरे दिल को भी करार.

एक दिन

एक और दिन गुजर गया यूँ चलते-चलते,
मौसम ने भी साथ दिया मेरा रंग बदलके,
कहीं चहकी कोई चिड़िया,कही कोई कोयल बोली,
सबने मिल के मस्ती की चादर यूँ ओढ़ ली,
जैसे कल तक भी रहेगा ऐसा ही एहसास ,
गर्मी और उमस हो गई बीते कल की बात।
अब तो सूखे पौधों में भी हरियाली आ गई,
जिधर देखो उधर जिन्दगी मुस्करा रही,

अनुभव

जिन्दगी का हरपल दे जाता है कोई नया अनुभव,कभी मीठा तो कभी खट्टा अनुभव,संभाल के रख लेती हूँ मैं इन सबकोचाहे जैसा भी हो मेरा ये अनुभव,न जाने कब ये सांस रुक जाए,चलो मैं कर लूं कुछ नए अनुभव।

एक मुलाक़ात

कविता शुक्ला एक नाम लेकिन मेरे लिए एक मुलाक़ात! जब भी बच्चों के स्कूल जाती हूँ और प्रतीक्षा का उतरा हुआ चेहरा देखती हूँ तो वो मुलाक़ात और याद आती है कुल एक घंटे का साथ था प्रतीक्षा की मम्मी के साथ हम दोनों साथ-साथ बैठे,अपने बच्चों की बातें करते.मेरे बेटे को बहुत शिकायतें थी हमने दोनों की बहुत सी बातें की.उनकी बड़ी बेटी मेरे बड़े बेटे की क्लास मैं थी,छोटे बेटे के साथ छोटी बेटी.उस दिन हमने एक दुसरे से बच्चों को भी मिलवाया लेकिन वो आखिरी बार का मिलना हो गया.उस दिन का चहकता उनका चेहरा अब भी याद है.कुछ दिनों बाद ही कविता नहीं रही,और उस दिन के बाद क्लास की बेस्ट गर्ल्स पीछे होने लगी,अब हमेशा मैं उनमे वो ख़ुशी ढूंढती हूँ पर कहाँ.......

basant

aaj ki bhigi-bhigi ye raat,aur mahka-mahka ye basant,
her taraf chhaya hai dilon main muhbbaton ka hi rang,
kahi shahnayi ki goonj hai,to kahi dilon main pyaar ka ehsaas,
her pal ko banate ja rahen hain hum dil main khaas,
lout ke aaye na aaye phir ye jamana,
kal tak jo saath the ab najar se hain door,
jee loon es pal ko kahi ye bhi na ho jayen najron se door.

Attachments

I try hard to not get attached to many things but it happens everytime. Today, my neighbour Asha said that she was going to sell her house. The thought of her leaving and new people living beside us made me sad. I was never very close to her but I don't know why I feel so sad. Is it the sorrow of her leaving, or the fear of someone else coming? Is it so that I am afraid of change but get attached to the things which have changed? We do not realize the importance of things until they are taken away from us. When I was in Diana Tea Estate, I wasn't happy at all but as soon as I came to peace, we had to move. I was amazed at the attachment I had developed to it and tears which rolled down easily. It always takes years for me to settle in peacefully in any place but as soon as I begin to accept it, it is taken. Why are things taken away from us when we accept them? I try hard to not get attached so I don't mourn when something is taken from me. Maybe things are taken from us to make us realize their values.

A journey to changu lake

These memories are very dear to me because those days were full of joy,togetherness and thrill. My younger son now asks why we don't go on tours and why we plan to go to Varanasi only.It is not easy to explain to him that those were the days when we wanted to explore the world,now material world is not giving us time to think. Anyway, this exciting journey took place during 4 days of Holy vacation.We planned to go to Gangtok by our car from a Tea Garden in west Bengal. In 1998 we owned a Fiat in which we started our journey with my 3 year old baby and Raju( my brother in law's son).Savok road to Gangtok is so beautiful to watch.In March, the weather was perfect to drive.River Teesta looked green due to the hills in between which it flowed. It was the flowering time of the Bougainvillia which were planted on one side of the road,the other side giving way to a steep incline to the river Teesta.The beauty cannot be described without feeling it oneself. The entire length of the long snake-like road was lined with shops that sell momo,which is a hot dumpling like snack. We reached Gantgok before sunset and stayed at the guesthouse of agriculture research.That evening we enjoyed roaming in Gangtok and watched a movie.The next day we planned to go changu lake,my husband wanted to go by the car but insisted on taking a van. Somehow i managed to convince him.The next day, early in the morning we started our journey. At that time we needed permission from government.So after getting that we moved on.The snow covered hills looked wonderful and the army was there to help.We crossed a temple of Hanumaanji where ghosts of armymen are said to visit. As we approached changu, winds became icy and after reaching there we needed some coats which was available there at a price and we took pictures wearing them. The lake was frozen.We visited a temple of Lord Shiva,then decided to take a ride on a yak. Now came the moment I wouldn't forget ever. I was sitting on the back of the yak and Raju was ready to click a pic. After that, what happened, I do not know.I was lying on the snow but yak was nowhere to be seen. Everyone was asking me if I was okay but I was not hurt.I think that Raju's dress was the reason the yak freaked out . He had come running to take a snap but i guess tha yak didn't know it. He saw him coming and he kicked me off his back.After that,I thanked Lord Shiva and played with snowballs. We visited Hanuman temple where ghosts where on duty, maybe, to protect it. Nathula could be seen from there, nowadays we are allow to go there but that time it was restricted to visit. We returned with good memories, had hot coffee and chowmien there.After reaching Gangtok next day we went to see an orchid exhibition in which many varieties were displayed there.Then we visited palace of king and Rumtek monestary.I think everyone should go there and live the experience. After coming back from Gangtok we heard about an avalanche which killed many army men there at changu. Our army is serving in such dangerous places.We salute them.

Ankahi

kuch kahna to tha per kise kahen
kuch mere etne paas hain ki unse kaha nahi jaata
ye halaat ek din badal jaayen shayad
esi ummeed per jite hain per jiya nahi jata
kahaan nahi gaye mere bhatkate kadam,
mere khuda ! saher phir bhi najar nahi aata,
sari baaten tujhi pe chodi hai maine,
muje es dariya se niklna nahi aata.

A rainy day

6th october 2009 left a scar in our hearts.On that day we all were not in the mood to go to the college because of bad wheather .It was raining since morning. Somehow we managed to pick up our TATA Winger which Dutta ma'am affectionately called "My Babua". In November, our Babua was going to celebrate its first birthday. There had been very good memories associated with this vehicle since it was bought. The atmosphere in our Winger was always full of joy and togetherness. We never thought that this would happen to our sweet "Babua" on that fateful day. We were going to Alambagh under the Mawaiyya bridge. It was completely waterlogged and we all hesitated for some time but when we saw many vehicles passing through, we decided to go on too. As it later turned out, it was a very bad decision.
When a road is waterlogged, a car is supposed to be on full throttle to prevent the water from entering the silencer and making way to the engine. We had thought that we would easily pass through and continue and apparently the depth of the water wasn't much. Anyway, our driver started to drive towards the bridge. He stepped on the gas very confidently but all of it disappeared the instant we hit the water. The water splashed on the whole windshield, the windows and for moment, it felt as if it wasn't a puddle but a well and we all had submerged.
The driver panicked big time and he let go of the accelerator. The car stopped midway and we looked like a car shaped island in the middle of a mini sea. We had entered the water in a jolly mood but now we weren't too happy. The driver tried to start the engine but to no avail. There was an unspoken question in the air,"Who is gonna enter this water and push the car to dryness?"but we were surprised to see some other youths coming towards us. They offered help to push the car. We were very grateful but the help came at a price of Rs 100. We tried to bargain their labour but they knew we were desperate and they took full advantage, not wavering from their cost. With no other option in hand, we agreed and they pushed the car, with us in it, away from the bridge. But even after coming out, the car refused to start. The boys tried to help us start the engine and gain a few extra bucks but they were unsuccessful. They took the money they were promised and returned to their apparent business of the day- Helping vehicles trapped in water and making quick profits. I wonder if they were the ones to waterlog the bridge.
It was still raining. The big question was, how are we going to get to college now that we had no vehicle, or even a bicycle for that matter. All the lady teachers decided to go home while the unfortunate male teachers stayed back to revive the car. There was no state rout and so we decided to take a path through the back of the Railway Station. Somehow, panting and wet, we reached the station. There was a very grim situation of waterlogging even outside the railway station. We were not in any mood to enter the water but there was no other option. We raised our "Sarees"(google it) and entered the water. Now we began to enjoy the whether as we were now already as wet as can be. We, three lady teachers, decided now to have a cup of tea outside the station. After coming out of the water, we searched for a good restaurant and then entered in it and ordered some hot tea and sizzling food, sambhar bada and dosa (google it too) . After eating, we found ourselves dry as dry fruit. We also took some photos in that restaurant to make us remember this day. when we came out of the restaurant, the rain had paused. We all happily returned back to our homes with a good rainy day's memory and experience.